Monday, August 18, 2008

It's Been a While


For the most part I pride myself on being wonderwoman. I've been taking it all in, taking it all on, taking it all in stride, etc. for quite some time and finally figure that my motor runs on pure adrenaline. Or Starbucks. Whatever. But for some reason, it all came crashing down and suddenly I couldn't breathe. I can't identify any one particular trigger but am pretty sure that it was born from a feeling that there were too many people, things, projects, even pets, completely dependent on me for something. I'm the caregiver, the bill payer, the mom, the partner, the tour guide, the punching bag, the hostage negotiator, the repair man, the therapist, the chef, the entertainment....and so on. How did I get here? How do I get out of here? Like the Jetsons: JANE STOP THIS CRAZY THING!

The problem, if I might shrink myself, is my lack of available compartmentalization. The same arms and hearts I'd seek for solace are attached to the same faces and souls who need me. I could ask questions like, "why don't they realize that for one brief fleeting moment, there's something I need?" but that is selfish and a waste of energy. See, I've been billing myself as the one who can handle it all. Why would they even think the rubber band might snap? It never has before.


When did society become made up of a herd of bulls in china shops? When did people stop being courteous and begin barreling through life with their physical being, their beliefs, their ideas....without any regard for those they trample in the process?

My mistake today was going to Wal-Mart to buy dog food. What is this crazy place? Is there a poison gas pumped into this hell which turns otherwise normal and productive people into Wal-Martians? First, what is with the folks who seemingly have two good legs, but feel the need to procure a motorized cart with a basket to collect their frozen pizzas and toilet paper? Are they for real? Don't get me wrong, I am sure there are people who truly need such a service and I am happy it exists for them. But believe me when I say that I saw a woman, probably mid 50s, park her motorized cart, get up and walk out the door without a limp. Seriously. In addition, there was a lady on line who walked right into me to get to a refrigerated case of diet coke, slammed me with the door and kept walking. And the kicker, was a table set up near the parking lot with a woman barking at me (pardon the pun) to donate money to an animal shelter. Save the dogs. Save the cats. We're a no kill shelter. Please help us save them. In the mean time, her young child (maybe 6 or 7) was running around in traffic. Um. Lady.... save your kid. Whoa.


My daughter has quite the imagination. She told me today that the Jonas Brothers love her. While I'm sure they appreciate the income from the backpack, lunch box and four (count 'em....4) t-shirts I've purchased, I'm not sure they know or love anyone in my family. Sarah says they love her. How does she know this? Because they texted her. (Duh.) "Yeah mom, they texted me today and said I love you Sarah so that's how I know they love me." I asked to see said text and she handed me an old dead cell phone her dad gave her to play with. Then she demanded it back because it was ringing. You guessed it. It was Hannah Montana. Apparently she loves Sarah too. Good thing.


Stupid survey friend question of the week: "What song best describes how you are feeling right now?" The answer to this one changes minute to minute. I never said I wasn't moody. Ha! Right this second.... "New Shoes" by Nine Days. The music is pop-ish and campy but right now I relate.

Until next time . . .


jdbauer said...

You went to Walmart during a period of anxiety? On Long Island??? Oh dear, oh dear. Bulls in China shops have existed for as long as I can remember on LI. I grew up with 2 of them. They raised me.

I'm going to E-mail you now.

jdbauer said...

Sorry...wait - the woman walking into you to grab the diet coke? That might have been my mother.

When I visit my parents I can't go with them anywhere. I went to Kings with my dad once and he demanded to speak with the manager because they were out of Turkey Hill Lo-carb ice cream. Meanwhile he ate a free lunch devouring all the plate offers that are just meant to be tasted. No shame. He stood there and popped one mini sandwich after another into his mouth. Then moved onto the cheeses. And so on.

~melissa said...

You're too funny. :)

Not to digress, but I loved Kings. I was sad to see it go. Not for the free samples though - I don't partake after taking a microbiotics class in college. haha.

Growing up in Merrick, the soda-fetching door rammer is not new to me. I once encountered a lady in bagel boss who reached over the germ-protectant glass to pick a crumb chunk off the coffee cake. She wanted to taste it I presume. I wretched. No it was not your mom.


jdbauer said...

Yes it was my mom:)